My 31 Day, Tear, Frightened, and Hope

Finally, the 31^st May came.

This morning, I woke up and saw the calendar and that was true. Today was 31^st May. I checked my phone and there were some of Birthday greeting from my father, mother, sister and also my best friends. I was surprised because I thought that they forgot with my day even few others were.

My first thought was I felt frightened to be mature. Everything would leave me one by one even I was still quite doubt with this. However, I should keep go on. I cried this morning because I needed my mom and my dad beside me now. When I saw those messages, there was message from them. My daddy said that be thankful for everything that you already had today, stay humble, be my cheerful girl, and fight for you biggest dream dear. Oh sweet! I wanted to hug him. Then, my momma also said long birthday wish. I got the point if mom prayed if her daughter will be a good woman in the future who always keeps her own attitude, lifestyle, and find my own future goal.  They were too sweet. My little sister said that happy birthday sist, I love you <3. There was no word, she was getting fantastic. Then, I got so many wishes from friends that I realize if they loved and cared with me. Of course, thank you very much for these.

Tear, I could not imagine if for the second times, I celebrated my birthday with my parents. We were apart. We could not meet and see our face each other even they remembered my birthday, but I missed them very much!!!

At noon, my classmates friends came and gave me little birthday surprise, I was surprised and felt happy with this. I got my lovely green gift because they gave me kinds of green stuff. What a lovely thing it was, I loved it! Thank you very much pals.

Forgot about the birthday greeting card, birthday surprise and gift and now, you had to think about how to be a better person. You were not kid anymore, you were 20 girl….. so, what is your plan next?

COLLEGE, GPA, AND GRADUATION, I think about that every time. I should get my high GPA and I will graduate next year. I WILL! 2016!

I still pretend like kid, I feel I don’t wanna grow up. I know people will change. Everyone grows up. I do too. However, I thought that there was something different since I was 19. Everything has changed. People start busy with their own business. I do not want to tie their right, but everything has changed. People gone, they pretended like did not care about this. Childhood changed to be memories and memories would just be reminded. I do not think so if it can be repeated. I have some best friends who they grow up with me till right now. They are my valuable half part. They give some jokes, lovely memories, and also my shelter. They hear about everything what I want to talk about even that are happy or sad stories. It is about what I feel at this time.

At least, I have tried my new journey in my life. I realize that living apart with my beloved my family kills me. I miss them every time, sometimes I feel lonely without them. Sometimes, I just pretend if it is okay. Friends are busy, do their own privacy, and less our time. It kills me too. Yup, I am afraid about maturity. Actually, I miss my childhood moments very much. We played together happily. We argued, got anger, and forgave each other. How sweet that moment was. There are many things that I feel afraid now. Dad, I just want to be your little daughter, but I know I should make you feel proud of me someday. I will do it for you. Mom, I am just afraid if there will be some people who hurt me so badly. I will really hurt if both of you leave me. I will feel really lonely. I did not know. Have I done my best for you, mom dad? I hope so, I try harder for this. I do not want to lose. You are too precious for me. No one can replace both of you in my high level.